Alpine Ramblings - adult themes

on intimacy

Shou Haruka — Wed, 28 Oct 2026 00:00:00 +0000

Intimacy is in many ways to me now an experience that is hard to put to words, though that hasn't stopped me from trying to. I've had some time to think about intimacy over the past few years with much of my reflection coming in the past year. I would like to think that the way I experience and appreciate intimacy has changed radically, being a sheltered kid from a very religious family. I've gotten to see many ways in which different individuals experience intimacy: from strangers, friends, family, and partners alike.

My original perception of intimacy was founded heavily on constraints. I saw intimacy with another as a set of restricted actions established by external convention, centred around physical and sexual interaction. I attribute this in retrospect to conservative Asian interpretations of Christian doctrines that I was introduced to up until my late teens. The prototypical example, "no sex until marriage", established that intimacy was reserved for couples who had fulfilled the criteria for such a thing: marriage, having a house of their own, and so on.

This eventually developed into a deep-seated belief that intimacy was meant to be exclusive to one individual and was, until I was married, completely inaccessible to me. Until my early teens, I was content with this understanding. I took pride in my ability to uphold the virtuousness of abstinence from pursuing intimacy. Unbeknownst to me, this false confidence arose from the simple fact that my needs were actually being fulfilled in many other ways I had been blind to see.

I was then still able to spend much time with my family, going on weekly cycling trips, having game nights every Friday, and having frequent visits to my cousins'. Public education allowed me to have a consistent and stable social circle that didn't need that much effort to maintain. I was fortunate to have a teacher who challenged me intellectually, "punishing" me for insubordination (a requirement by Asian standards) with thousand-word, well-researched essays and lengthy debates that he knew I enjoyed and found fulfilling.

It was only as these pillars supporting my early needs and desires were suddenly pulled from under me in my mid-teens that I began to experience just how reductive and suffocating that understanding of intimacy was.

Marital, health, and financial issues tore the family apart, putting an end to the activities we used to do together and causing me to withdraw and dissociate from my family. I graduated and entered a school system that had ever-shifting classmates and no guarantees of a consistent social circle. My interests developed rapidly and fell out of the scope of my classes and lecturers. I failed to find anyone who would engage with my interests meaningfully. Nobody showed as much genuine interest in what I had to say about them as the teacher who had never failed to read through, annotate, and even challenge me about every extra-curricular essay I'd written for him.

I had also had the misfortune of being exposed to sexually explicit media then, fueled by an emerging curiosity about sexual intimacy that had only been suppressed and ducked by an instance of "the talk" which consisted of "no, don't" and "it has to be with a girl that you marry", and had finally boiled over. This unfortunately further narrowed my perception of intimacy to centre on penetrative acts and the end goal of what seemed to be having an orgasm. Coupled with my then developing understanding of my now unfulfilled desires, I misattributed those desires to this narrow idea of intimacy and figured that this was probably what I wanted.

By the time I had entered my late teens, my poor understanding of my desires for intimacy eventually won out over the idea of waiting until marriage. This led me to, among other things, enter into a relationship with someone who had expressed interest in sex much quicker than I should have for someone I'd met online^{1</a>. After each sexual encounter, I found myself remaining entirely unfulfilled to the extent that they eventually became off-putting. I left the relationship confused, as I thought that I was doing things that should have fulfilled my needs for intimacy, yet felt no sense of intimacy at all.}

After a period to recover from my first relationship, I entered into a second relationship. In my second relationship, I was fortunate enough to be with someone who shared some of my struggles with sexual intimacy, and was given ample space by him to process those struggles together. Though I still didn't quite understand at the time, many of my needs for intimacy were fulfilled again for the first time in a long while. I felt content and that we had a meaningful relationship.

At that point of time, my understanding of intimacy and how I experienced it began to shift. Since before we had entered into a relationship with one another, he had two others he considered his queer-platonic partners, though we still considered ourselves monogamous as we called only each other our "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". Neither of us were very clear on the precise differences between what he termed "platonic" and "romantic", albeit for different reasons. He had attributed his difficulty with describing how he experienced them differently to being on the aromantic-asexual (aroace) spectrum. I felt unclear about the boundary on a more conceptual level, as I hadn't yet formed the idea that such things could be subjectively and uniquely experienced.

Nonetheless, we were able to find certain points we roughly agreed on through conversations about boundaries and what we felt was special and unique to the love we shared between the two of us. I began to share in the idea that "romantic" intimacy involved a degree of trust and shared vulnerability of an exclusive magnitude. I eventually saw partaking in sexual activities and physical intimacy as a manifestation and display of this greater trust and vulnerability, with trust and vulnerability at its core rather than just physical stimulation.

At the same time, I also began to consider emotional vulnerability as a form of intimacy. The idea that the two of us felt that we could be ourselves with one another, as weird and different as we were, felt intimate to us somehow. I began to experience the comfort of sharing my struggles with someone and opening up again. With the both of us working through our own sexual trauma, we often had difficulty actually having sex without either of us needing to stop. I often felt this to be even more intimate than the sexual activity itself. Especially during the almost year-long break from sexual activities we had, I began to appreciate how much more complex intimacy was than just constraints and sexual interaction.

Due to the nature of our relationship, however, I often found myself struggling with jealousy over our first year together. I still clung on to my deeply ingrained beliefs regarding exclusivity and found stability in not sharing in any kind of intimacy with anyone else. I began to feel value in being trusted and saw trust in things that he would only do with me. As such, I felt valued when things we did were kept exclusive and felt my value challenged when he would share in some of those activities with the other local partner of his. I felt my value challenged even more when he did things with his other partners that he didn't do with me.

Thankfully, his other partners agreed to give us some space for me to work on my jealousy. Over this period, my feelings about trust and things he would do with me and others developed further. I began to appreciate the value he personally experienced when spending time with others by listening to him speak about them. Though this did not cause my jealousy to disappear, it did give me an alternative source to feel valued when he took the initiative to spend time with me during or after.

However, I then overcorrected to avoid feeling entitled to him spending time alone with me. As a result of some of my struggles with self-worth and value, I began to feel that I was privileged to even do things with him in the first place. My understanding of emotional intimacy was poisoned by my own expectation to provide a commensurate level of comfort to someone emotionally intimate with me. I also started to feel that time spent with me was time not spent with others and doing other things, and that I had to make their time spent with me worthwhile. This would later influence the way I came to see the intimacy in the intersection of exclusivity and spending time with someone.

Over time, both my needs and our circumstances changed and they gradually stopped being fulfilled. This was exacerbated by multiple factors which drastically reduced the amount of time I spent with him and the variety of things we would do when we did spend time together. This pushed me to try to identify these incongruences and the needs that I felt were not being fulfilled, which was a process that took several months.

I eventually realised that I had believed that being intimate with one individual alone would be sustainable long term, which I came to understand to not be true even for monogamous couples. I had internalised the concept of not sharing in any kind of intimacy with anyone else to the point that I did not allow myself to be close with anyone else. In conjunction with how I struggled to form friendships and maintain them, the facts of the matter were that I had no other friends.

This was hard for me to wrap my head around, as I found it to be the product of many of my issues, beliefs, and circumstances. One common factor between them was the element of trust and vulnerability. Forming closer friendships and being intimate with others, especially for queer and neurodivergent individuals, ultimately invites a mountain of uncertainty. Uncertainty that begets vulnerability, that I hadn't allowed myself to share with others.

I started to try identifying different aspects of intimacy that I had not allowed myself to explore, which I found to often coincide with my needs that were being unfulfilled at the moment. At the forefront of my consciousness were the kinds of intimacy I had first become familiar with: physical and sexual intimacy. I first revisited a conversation on our boundaries regarding physical contact and came out of it with an understanding of how each of our boundaries regarding physical contact had changed as we grew. It, however, quickly broached the topic of sexual intimacy and what we considered to be "sex" or "fucking", which I honestly struggled to put across.

Before this, I had noticed the way I experienced and thought about sexual intimacy was vastly different from how I used to feel. From early on in our relationship, we had shared in many facets of kink when it came to sex. We had established a dominant-submissive and pet-owner dynamic between us, which I had originally seen as being immiscible with more carnal experiences of sex. For instance, I had the impression that kink often led to or set the mood for activities that more directly sought an orgasm, and shelved them as being one and the same in my mind. For this reason, I often understated the role that our dynamics played in my experience of sexual intimacy.

It was only when personal issues and circumstances caused these dynamics to fall out of our lives that I began to appreciate how much they had meant to me. They had given me space to relinquish or take control, toy with expectations in a safe space, and explore the interplay between trust and vulnerability that I had never had before. They were immensely comforting and reassuring beyond a context of trying to reach an orgasm, and served well as a medium for me to draw closer with someone and for us to get to know each other in more ways than a conversation could broker. I then realised that this was what I actually experienced as sexual intimacy, and was an aspect of intimacy that was now sorely missing from my life.

Going back to the conversation we had, I made an attempt to explain this rather recent realisation. I came to understand that we experienced sexual intimacy very differently, and had different needs and circumstances that would make each of our needs harder to fulfil. In light of this, we came to re-negotiate our boundaries over the course of several separate conversations. I gradually started engaging with others more in kink and kink-adjacent activities within a social circle that I felt safe in. This helped me not only reconnect with an element of intimacy that I hadn't been able to for months, but also allowed me to experience more of how others experienced and shared intimacy.

At the same time, I spent a while reflecting about the lack of closeness I was beginning to feel. I realised one major contributing factor was the sheer magnitude of how little our interests and passions aligned. This was not actually something that I hadn't been aware of, as we had known ourselves to be interested in different things since the start. However, while we had been able to bond over our differences and through the paucity of interests we shared earlier in our relationship, I found this to no longer be the case.

One way we had bonded over our differences earlier was facilitated by the both of us still being in school. Being more inclined towards other subjects, he tended to struggle with topics that aligned with my interests rather than his. Through this, I spent much time with him teaching him and helping him. I didn't recognise how big of a role this played in terms of how we connected through our differences until we both graduated and entered into tertiary education where we each pursued our interests. With no other opportunities to connect over our different interests, I started finding it difficult to share about my interests in a way that he was able to interact with and didn't also overwhelm him. Likewise, while he continued to share about his own interests, I found it hard to interact with them in ways that I found meaningful.

At first, I felt it somewhat immature to have identified this to be a reason that we were growing apart. Even after identifying this earlier in the year, I did not accept that these interactions or lack thereof constituted "intimacy" for several months. Acceptance came as I gradually began to spend more time with others in social spaces that aligned more with my interests. I saw how others interacted with each other over hobbies, interests, and things they were invested in together. I observed how they were intellectually intimate with each other over these things and began to understand how not being able to experience these things impacted me.

Finally, I began to reflect on how my experiences with emotional intimacy had changed. In truth, I find it difficult to word how I struggled with emotional intimacy in my relationship. In the first year of our relationship, much of our emotional intimacy came from us navigating our trauma and struggles together. However, I found that we were not emotionally intimate with one another nearly as often by the third year of our relationship together. We had each healed and grown and started to have our own peers to talk to, which was not a bad thing in and of itself.

The reason why I struggled with this in our relationship was likely a combination of multiple factors. In retrospect, much of our connection at the start of our relationship rested on codependence on one another. In addition to that, I found that the way we were emotionally intimate in terms of how we shared our struggles and how we lent a listening ear to one another did not align very well with my needs.

At the tail end of the relationship, I began to question many ways that I referred to myself and many aspects of my identity. Eventually, after much discussion with others I had become close with, I realised that I no longer experienced attraction to masc-identifying individuals. This is in part due to how I realised that many ways that they tended to (in my personal experience; I don't mean to generalise) experience and express intimacy were not aligned with what I could see myself sustainably interacting with long term.

Additionally, I realised that much of how I felt about relationships aligned well with the concept of relationship anarchy. As my understanding of how I experienced intimacy grew, I became disillusioned to traditional labels with regard to relationships. In particular, I disliked how they tended to be so reductive as to not express how I felt about relationships to the granularity I held to be important.

It became important to me to be able to talk about specific things in a relationship being important to me and even specific things I wanted to be exclusive about. At the same time, I observed how this form of directness and transparency tended to be absent from relationships that tended to be labelled as "monogamous". As such, not being in such a relationship eventually also became important to me.

In the end, after realising how all of these things important to me were absent from my relationship, I made the hard decision to end my relationship.

I must say that I struggle to feel like this was a turning point that allowed me to understand my feelings and simply have healthier relationships and a healthier understanding of intimacy. Intimacy, as I now realise, is an immensely nuanced concept. It is fascinatingly diverse, and I would not arrogate to say that I understand it or things that surround it well. There is still a great plurality of things regarding intimacy I do not understand, especially with respect to how I experience it, and many ways I struggle with it. Even as I begin to recognise the many ways my understanding of intimacy has changed over time, I see how I continue to learn more about it and experience more of it in all its forms with others.

One way in which I continue to experience more of it and learn about it is the simple concept of spending time with someone. As I continue to make efforts to allow myself to be intimate with others, I have indeed begun to spend more time with others. Naturally, this has opened my eyes to many new experiences and feelings, which I have honestly not yet reconciled or understood in much capacity.

Day by day, I am beginning to see how the many different forms of intimacy and experiences of it are present as I spend time with someone. Still a foreign experience to me, being able to share in the company of someone else has been indescribably comforting. Rather amusingly, I do believe that learning Dutch and learning more about the cultural notion of "gezelligheid" has facilitated this in some capacity, though I could not venture to explain why in concrete terms.

To my friends, I am very grateful to all of you for continuing to be with me as I navigate intimacy and all its nuances. I am thankful for your trust in allowing me to experience intimacy with you, in all of the wonderfully unique and touching ways that you feel comfortable expressing with me. Though I may still be unsure about how best to be a steward of your trust and your time, thank you for letting me be unsure about it with you.

^1

To keep this post as accessible as possible, I will not elaborate on my experiences in this relationship. For details, see chapters 1 to 4 of my series, Senescence</a>, which is largely based on my experiences in the tail end of that relationship. </div>

Senescence | Chapter 6: Left, Leaving, Leave, Leaves

Shou Haruka — Wed, 12 Aug 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This story is set in the Human Domestication Guide (HDG) universe. It is recommended, though not necessary, to be somewhat familiar with the setting, especially given that it inherently touches on aspects of kink and other adult themes. Stories in the HDG universe, like the one below, are not suitable for readers under 18.

Chapter content warnings: depiction of crying

Click here to show content</summary>
"Aph?"
I stood by the door to the hab, slightly befuddled by its refusal to open. I had been staying in the hab since my arrival and had grown acutely aware of the locked door over the past few days. I was locked in. Like a pet. At first, I paid it no heed and contented myself with exploring the sizeably-larger hab I was in. True to its word, Aph never left the hab without informing me first. Yet, each click of the lock behind its back made my circumstances ever more apparent and harder to ignore.
"Are you... domesticating me?"
"I am."
I felt an anxious tug at the back of my head. A thought began to form, but quickly dissipated after a brief pause.
"I thought you said you weren't going to?"
"Honestly, I hadn't planned to. But, seeing the severity of your attacks in person forced me to re-evaluate my proposed course of action. I couldn't in good conscience just leave you somewhere else on your own. That's... the bulk of all this paperwork, actually."
I looked towards the mountains of folders and papers Aph was gesturing at. Incomprehensible glyphs cluttered each page, with what I could only assume to be the Affini's signature bureaucratic self-flagellation. Another tug. Some part of me felt guilty for putting all this work on Aph's already-burdened shoulders.
"I was doing just fine, though. You could have just left me there and I'd have been fine."
"We couldn't take that risk."
"I just... don't want to be domesticated."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, it's okay. I won't disturb you from your work."
"No, Shiki. My paperwork does not take priority over you. Like I said, you are my work, anyway. If that's what you're really worried about."
"I can handle myself just fine, Aph."
Aph had taken to caring for me rather aggressively, making sure I was brushing my teeth as regularly as I should and bringing me actual food to eat. I wanted to enjoy it, but it didn't feel right. It felt foolish to settle in and let myself be doted on when I knew a slip of the tongue or a gross misunderstanding could take it all away. I was fine on my own.
"No, no. I'm not having that."
"What-"
"You are going to tell me, or I'll ban you from working on your paper for a week."
"NO! YOU WOULDN'T!"
"Oh, but I would."
I let out a soft grumble. Aph's idiosyncratic modes of punishment were more effective at getting me to do things than I'd like to admit. My little quirks and pet peeves it had picked up over the years did well to serve as actionable threats that did not infringe on its promises.
"Okay, okay, I'll talk about it!"
"Good. Why don't you want to be domesticated? Is there something about the process that scares you? I can walk you through it."
"Not really. I would enjoy most of the process, to be honest. It's just..."
I paused, giving Aph a furtive glance. My arms folded across my chest, hugging my knees as I balled up on the bed. A third tug. I couldn't fathom why it was so interested in processing every little thing with me. There was nothing to be gained from this. It had no stakes in my personal well-being. It didn't need to know any of this. Aph halted my breath with a look, hovering a vine over my tablet.
"OKAY! I just feel... conflicted. I don't really know what you're trying to get out of this, or what you want from me."
I looked up, expecting a retort of some kind, but none came.
"I'm scared. I'm scared that maybe you're just doing this to get something out of me and you'll leave. I'm scared that even if you aren't, I'll fuck it up somehow and you'll leave anyway. I'll say something wrong; I'll piss you off; I'll do something I wasn't supposed to- I... I don't fucking know. I'm scared."
"Thank you for telling me, Shiki."
"Oh- um. No problem...?"
"I'm not... sure how reassuring this will be to hear, but Affini culture is really nothing like what you've come to know. I mentioned some differences back at the diner, if you remember."
I nodded. Despite only happening a few days ago, I found my recollection of the events then to be spotty, like a poorly-cut video. As per usual. I could indeed remember the conversation, but bringing it to the front of my mind demanded an unusual amount of effort.
"We truly don't do this to get anything out of anyone. I just care about you. We've been friends for some time now, and I've long since cared about you as a friend. It's not any different. To me, at least."
"I want to believe you. I really do. It's just..." I hugged my legs tighter. "I..."
Once again, no retort or interjection came. The silence my solemn aposiopesis left filled the space we shared and enveloped me in a tight hug. A fourth tug came, stronger; a yank. My diaphragm spasmed, forcing a choked breath through my teeth.
I thought about blurting out a string of words to get a word in edgewise, but the continued silence soon assuaged that thought. Stifled, sharp breaths punctuated the stillness in the air. An unbecoming moistness filled the ducts in my eye as I tilted my head up to stop my emotions from spilling over.
"I can't just take you at your word. I'm sorry. You're asking me to trust you; to trust that you mean nothing but the best for me. I'm not going to just believe that you're going to be the first one that's going to care for me that way. I wouldn't even know what that's supposed to feel like."
I could only hold them back for so long.
"And even if I do, there's just no reason for you to keep caring about me or caring for me. I can't offer you anything, Aph. I can't even... I suck at making others happy. I can't even do that for you. I don't know what I should be doing. I don't know what I can do. I don't know what you want me to do. I'm... you're... you're just going to waste your time, Aph."
I buried my head between my knees, trying to hide the ugly hiccups, shuddering breaths, and the wetness pouring onto my thighs. The words that managed to leave my lips surprised me somewhat. I hadn't been able to express all the things I was thinking about with anyone before. Though, I figured that was supposed to feel good.
"I understand, Shiki. You don't have to trust me right now; you deserve to be able to take your time. I won't ask you to trust me. I want to work with you to build that trust together."
Aph dug around its stack of papers and pulled out a few sheets of paper.
"Can I sit with you?"
I nodded, feeling the surface of the bed dip as it sat next to me.
"Would it help you to know exactly what I want from you? Or to know exactly what you're supposed to do? I do promise that I'll always try my best to be upfront and open about communicating those kinds of things with you, but I know that's not really what you need from me right now. So... I've also prepared this for you."
It placed the sheets of paper next to me, far enough to not get wet from my tears. I took a glance at the top page:

Domestication Contract</h2>
By signing this contract, you, Shiki Tvira, acknowledge all of the following:

Vinca Eros, Seventh Bloom is hereafter your Caretaker and owner.</li>
You do not have political rights in the Affini Compact.</li>
You have a guarantee of your wellbeing. Your Caretaker commits to act solely in your best interests for your safety, wellbeing, and care.</li>
Your Caretaker may add, delete, or otherwise amend the terms herein with regard to your wardship, subject to further notice.</li>
Your full name is henceforth Shiki Eros, Fourth Floret.</li> </ol>
You also agree to all of the following stipulations set by your Caretaker, for which you acknowledge that non-compliance may result in corrective measures being taken against you:
Unless explicitly permitted, you shall not intentionally render any degree of physical harm to your Caretaker or yourself.</li>
You are henceforth disallowed from insulting yourself in any capacity.</li>
You shall not withhold any discomfort, dissatisfaction, disagreements, or previously unestablished needs from your Caretaker. You shall make them known upon request.</li>
You may, however, express that you wish to raise any of the aforementioned concerns at a time no later than seven (7) days after the date of request.</li></ol>
You shall make known any personal boundaries being crossed immediately.</li>
Barring approval from your Caretaker, you shall:</li>
eat at least two (2) full meals a day,</li>
brush your teeth at least once a day, and</li>
shower at least once a day.</li></ol></ol>
Lastly, you acknowledge the following stipulations your Caretaker has agreed to abide by:

Your Caretaker will not approach or make physical contact with you without explicit consent.</li>
Your Caretaker will not use xenodrugs of any kind on you, unless necessary to prevent untoward danger to yourself or others or by request.</li>
Your Caretaker will not force you, physically or by placing you under duress, to go anywhere without explicit consent, unless your presence is required for medical or official reasons.</li>
Your Caretaker will not leave your presence without prior notice.</li>
Your Caretaker will not shout, or otherwise raise its voice at you.</li> </ol> </blockquote>
"To be clear, I am not saying that you have to abide by these rules in order for me to continue caring for you. My care for you is unconditional and will not be revoked under any circumstance, no matter how hard to believe that may seem. I just hope it helps with feeling that you are deserving of my care and feeling assured that I will continue to care for you.
"I understand that signing this contract is a big step and demands a lot of trust from you. It does make explicit that there will be some exchange of power between us, which I hope might ease you into trusting me more in the future. You can take your time with it and let me know whenever you're comfortable, or if you would like to make any revisions to it."
"No. I'll sign it."
I slid off the bed, finding a pen on Aph's desk.
"... Thank you, Aph." </details>

Senescence | Chapter 5: Through the Skin

Shou Haruka — Tue, 04 Aug 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This story is set in the Human Domestication Guide (HDG) universe. It is recommended, though not necessary, to be somewhat familiar with the setting, especially given that it inherently touches on aspects of kink and other adult themes. Stories in the HDG universe, like the one below, are not suitable for readers under 18.
Chapter content warnings: bondage, implied kidnapping, victim self-blaming/guilt, depiction of a psychiatric episode (I honestly couldn't tell you what kind), depiction of impaired memory, depiction of dissociation from sexual trauma

Click here to show content</summary>
My eyes opened. I was in a dimly-lit room; a hab, likely. I could feel my limbs tethered to each corner of a bed. A glass wall stood to the right of the bed I was on. Outside, a massive expanse. An Affini ship. Space whizzed past its outer dome in a blur. I saw Aph sitting on a chair from the corner of my eye, watching me. Surveilling me. Keeping me pinned down with its eyes.
It had taken me onto the ship, I surmised. Knocked me out. Forced me to leave when I didn't want to. Was it ever really my friend? Had it been planning this all along? It probably just wanted to use me. Of course. This was my fault. I trusted it just like I trusted them. It's always my fault. Pathetic.
Where was I? My head spun, pulsing and throbbing against my skull. I felt myself suspended in thick air that electrified my entire being and seeped into my head. Trying to recollect what had happened felt like trudging through a dense marsh that filled my mind with static. An admonishing wave of dizziness shook the air and sent me lurching. I begged my body to get up and look around, but my limbs lay still and ignored my desperate tugs.
I could vaguely feel that my body was resting on... something. Something soft. I could barely make my surroundings out to be a dark room, which somehow fit within my peripheral vision in its entirety. I couldn't move my eyes, yet the spot my eyes were looking at refused to come into focus. The more I tried to get my bearings, the blurrier my vision got. Blurrier and blurrier, until I felt the suffocating fog around me rise above my head.
"Shiki."
I sat up. The vines tying my wrists and ankles to the bed had enough slack now to allow me some degree of movement. I could escape. I could try. Aph had risen from its seat and stood looming over my bound body. I was helpless. I was ripe for the taking. I was vulnerable. Maybe I wanted this. That's the only reason I allowed this to happen after all. I needed this to happen. Maybe I just needed to lie here and take it. It would all end soon enough.
"Would you like to talk?" It sounded hurt. By me, probably.
"Go fuck yourself."
Its face contorted and cast a smile on my face. Fucker. I tried to kick it, but the vines grew taut again. I snapped back sprawled onto the bed, freedom revoked. I didn't bother struggling, didn't bother tugging at my restraints. I wasn't going to entertain it with the sight of me writhing defencelessly. It was probably hoping I would.
"Okay, I'll be here if you need me."
I could hear a pair of voices speaking to me through the viscous air clouding my ears. The words were barely comprehensible, though I could tell one of them was mine. The other felt familiar; vivid, brilliantly-lit scenes flashed in front of me like a diorama. Aph? What was- Oh. The scene from earlier this morning played out before me, recounted to me as though someone was walking me through it blow by blow.
The scene pushed the haze back for a moment. The feeling it left in my head was recognisable. I was just lucid enough to remember the last time I had felt it just as strong. It was the first time they had forced themselves onto me. I resisted at first, but after a while, I began to zone out and stopped processing what was happening to me. Since then, each moment I shared with them was more of the same. Each memory buried somewhere deep inside me and occasionally resurfacing from time to time through thoughts I don't remember thinking.
Recollections of the sensation I had felt then began to trickle into me. I remembered feeling myself lose control of my body and slip into a cocoon of darkness. I remembered the way the unspeakable events that followed were projected onto a silken screen at the front of my mind. I remembered turning my gaze when I watched them mount me. Just like it was going to do to me now.
"DON'T COME NEAR ME."
"I won't. Do you want me to leave?"
"I... No."
"Okay."
Aph sat back down on its chair. At least it wasn't doing anything to me. Yet. The air grew still, unperturbed by any noise. I lay on the bed and pressed my head onto the soft pillow under it. The silence began to itch. The sound of my heart pounding rattled my eardrums. The noises of my breathing started to tick me off. Why wasn't it doing anything? It's just watching me.
"Are you going to do something to me?"
"Not particularly."
"...Why?"
"You don't feel safe with me."
"I don't."
"Is there anything I can do to change that?"
I didn't expect it to ask that. What did it expect me to say? What was it trying to get out of me? Was it trying to lure me into a false sense of security? Was there some answer it was expecting? I'd never had to think of a response for this. What would I even say to appease such a query? It noticed my hesitation. Shit. Fuck. Say something. Anything, dammit.
"I can list some things and you can tell me if you think any of them would help. Would you like that?"
Oh.
"Okay."
"I can loosen your restraints if your promise not to try and kick me again."
"Sure. I promise."
The tension in the vines disappeared as I finished speaking. Oh. That was... fast. I should run. I could run. I never promised I wouldn't run. Oh. Why hadn't it made me promise not to run? That... felt like a gross oversight. No, the vines were still there, just looser. ... I could punch it though.
"I won't come near or touch you without asking, other than your restraints for now."
"Can you lose the restraints?"
"I will. I just want to have this conversation first before I do."
"Fine."
"I won't use any xenodrugs on you, unless you become a danger to yourself or others."
"You drugged me to get me on this ship."
"I did."
"Why?"
"I was sent here to take you from your planet. You wouldn't have gotten on otherwise."
"I thought you were there for work."
"I was. You were the work."
"Oh... Why?"
"... Matters regarding the transition of your planet into Affini control is my work. When I found out about how a local had been so severely mistreated by its residents and society, I filed a recommendation for you to be transferred to somewhere deeper into Affini space."
"From our online chats?"
"Yes. It just happened that my supervisor figured I would be the best one to take you, given how we already knew each other."
"I don't want you to do that again."
"I won't. Anything else you don't want me to do?"
"Don't leave me alone without telling me first."
"Does that include me going into another room?"
"Yes. And don't... raise your voice at me."
"I won't."
"I... can't think of anything else."
"That's okay. You did well."
This was... unexpected. They weren't this receptive. I wasn't sure what to make of Aph just yet. It was probably just trying to game me somehow, even though the agreements we reached seemed reasonable. I'm sure of it. Aph turned from facing me and grabbed a box from atop a table. I could make out a set of bracelet-looking things resting in it. Ah, there it was. This is how it would use me. I knew it.
"Shiki, would you be comfortable with me putting these on you? I can take your restraints off after. They're just for your safety. For transparency, they let me track your location, see your vitals, and allow me to administer xenodrugs remotely. Though I won't be doing that unless you become a danger to yourself or others, like I promised."
"What will the xenodrugs do to me?"
"If administered, it will help calm you down, sort of like the endorphins your body naturally produces. It'll also cause your muscles to relax and put you to sleep."
"... Fine."
Aph approached me slowly. I shuddered slightly as it touched my arm and clasped the bracelet around my wrist. I was probably going to regret allowing it to do this. Though, it seemed like my only option if I wanted out of these restraints. I stared intently as it put the other three bracelets around my other wrist and ankles. The vines holding me retreated just as the last bracelet locked into place.
"How are they?"
"Alright."
"Would you like to see the rest of the hab?"
"I think... I think I'll just stay here for a while." </details>

Senescence | Chapter 3: Taking Root

Shou Haruka — Tue, 28 Jul 2026 00:00:00 +0000

This story is set in the Human Domestication Guide (HDG) universe. It is recommended, though not necessary, to be somewhat familiar with the setting, especially given that it inherently touches on aspects of kink and other adult themes. Stories in the HDG universe, like the one below, are not suitable for readers under 18.
Chapter content warnings: toxic relationships, psychological manipulation using threats of suicide, coersion, victim self-blaming, light bondage, depiction of a PTSD episode

Click here to show content</summary>
The next I opened my eyes, the windows in my hab had been made transparent again. The gentle glow of the sunrise had been subsumed by the brilliance of our star at its zenith. Streaks of sunlight painted my face a curious shade of warm. Adjusting to the light, my eyes settled on the ten-foot figure curled up on my floor.
"Appie?"
A pair of opalescent teal eyes flickered to life. I watched as the Gordian mess of vines slowly unravelled itself and reformed into a vaguely coherent silhouette. Verdant tendrils and luscious green stems wound themselves around a shimmering core, rising slowly to lock gazes with my unkempt body.
"Hmpf. Good to know you're back to making fun of my name."
"I'll have you know, if you'd found me 2700 years ago, you wouldn't be complaining."
"Yes, yes. Ancient Greek. I hated that class."
"Okay, pee-lologist."
"Why you-"
An ungraceful chuckle escaped my lips. I could see its tendrils coil tightly at the sound of my historically-accurate bastardisation of its profession. I stuck out my leg and prodded it with my foot, letting out an infantile giggle. Its corporeal form felt soft and supple, and its vines gave a turgid bounce when I pressed them gently.
"Hey- What're you-"
"Forgive a girl for wanting to know what her friend feels like."
It was great to put a name to a face, I suppose. Years of only ever chatting online and seeing each other through a text interface did make me somewhat curious as to how it looked. I had never expected it to show up at my house. Knowing the vast spread of settlements across the galaxy, I had consigned myself to never meeting any of my online friends and contented myself with just our online correspondences.
Buzz. Instinctively, I vaulted off the bed and picked up my tablet. Oh.
<BuzzK1ll3r> come over at 1. ill be at khizris hab. <BuzzK1ll3r> feel like killing myself again <BuzzK1ll3r> need you to distract me <3 you know how </code></pre> Aph stuck out a vine and snatched the tablet from my hands, putting it back on the table. I hadn't even noticed it standing behind me and snooping over my shoulder. Turning quickly, it stepped between me and my table and blocked my tablet from view. It saw everything. It knows how much of a slut I am. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "Let's go eat! We have so much to catch up on!" "But-" The excuse I was coming up with was quickly torn from my mouth by an unceremonious shove out the door. I tried to turn back and grab my tablet, but several vines shot out to bind my arms behind my back and walk me out into the hallway. How embarrassing. A soft whine slipped as I caught the attention of every passer-by. Another Affini from across the street looked at Aph and gave a knowing smile. Arriving at a restaurant a few blocks south, Aph gently sat me down on a chair and left a vine around my waist, fixing me to the chair. My querulous wriggles and desperate attempts to leave my seat quickly drew a series of chuckles and stares as Aph stood by the counter ordering food. I need to get back. I couldn't leave them like that. I couldn't hurt them. I clawed at its vines, trying to loosen its grip and slip out from underneath. Just as I had managed to find a bit of slack, another pair of vines wrapped around my wrists and pinned them to the sides of the chair. More eyes looked at me, some curious, some humoured. Realising the futility of my struggles, I sank into my chair and relinquished control to the vines, waiting for Aph's return. Feeling a vine pat me on the head reassuringly, I took the time to look around the restaurant Aph had brought me to. A pre-Compact diner that had used to pay its staff pennies, now staffed by an Affini and its two florets. They buzzed with more life than the underpaid eighteen- and nineteen-year-olds I was used to seeing. Sizzling steaks and throwing together cocktails with a beaming smile. Chattering animatedly with one another and the patrons in the store. "Cute, aren't they?" The sound of Aph's return snapped my attention back to my seat like a rubber band with a jolt. I hadn't heard it return, let alone notice the vines no longer around my waist and wrists. I could run. Its soft vines absorbed the sound of each step it took, with only the soft squeaking of a chair as it sat down. I shot Aph a nettled stare as it sat the tray down in front of me. "Now now. Don't be like that. It's for your own good." A sharp pain shot through my head. The sounds around me grew muffled and dull, eclipsed by a sharp ringing in my ears. I could hear their voice. They were here. It's because I left them. I looked around frantically, scanning every face and every figure in the store. I shot up from my seat, fist balled and ready to dash. "Shiki? Are you okay? Was it what I said? It's okay. You're okay." Who was that? Was that them? "Shiki, it's me, Aph. Can you look at me?" I turned my head towards the voice, watching as a vine-clad figure stepped through the foggy haze surrounding my vision. Aph looked at me intently, observing the way my chest rose and fell. I looked back into its eyes, noticing the vines and leaves forming its face press tighter against its body. "Breathe with me, Shiki. Can you do that for me? In, two, three four. Hold, two three four. Out, two, three four. Hold, two three four." Locking eyes with Aph, I let my breathing fall into the cadence of its voice, counting together with it in my head. I felt the cold air in the restaurant flow over my tongue and into my lungs. I felt the gentle bubbling of carbon dioxide in my blood build and release. The blood slowly returned to my arms and legs as I focused on the rhythm of my breaths and keeping each breath steady. "What else do you see? Can you name four other things?" "A... steak..., a red... a red cup, striped wallpaper, and... a dusty window..." I felt my words tugging at each item I named, pulling them across the same hazy boundary. Recalling the words for each one of them felt like probing into a distant memory. Everything else still felt clouded by a miasma of my thoughts, though I sensed a gentle breeze shifting the air in the room just enough to envision rough outlines of the things around me. "Can you feel the soles of your feet pressed against the ground? The way the pressure on your heel shifts together with your body, the way your toes lie against your insoles... What else can you feel?" "The chair against the back of my leg, the tingling around my waist from where... from where you held me, and... air from the vent blowing at me." "You're doing so well. Listen to my voice. What else can you hear?" Its voice sounded within my head, cutting through the dense mist clouding the air. "I can hear oil sizzling on a grill and... a ship flying past." "Good job! Can you tell me two things you can smell?" "I can smell the steak on my plate and... rosemary." "Can you open your mouth for me? I'm going to feed you some food. Tell me what you can taste." The world around me grew quieter. I opened my mouth and felt a warm, crispy, strip of something rest on my tongue. I could taste the grains of salt, the subtle umami of soy seasoning, and the delectable crunch of a fry as I bit down on it. "I taste... a french fry?" I sat back down, relishing its taste. I felt the tension in my body dissipate as my vision became clear again. Aph looked at me sweetly amidst the soft chattering of the other patrons in the background. The muscles in my body let go of their deathly grip on my bones as I took a deep breath. I was safe. "You did such a good job. Are you feeling better?" "Yeah." "Sorry Shiki, I won't say that again." "It's alright, you didn't know." I smiled. "Thank you, Aph." </details>
Senescence | Chapter 2: Imbibition Shou Haruka — Sun, 26 Jul 2026 00:00:00 +0000 This story is set in the Human Domestication Guide (HDG) universe. It is recommended, though not necessary, to be somewhat familiar with the setting, especially given that it inherently touches on aspects of kink and other adult themes. Stories in the HDG universe, like the one below, are not suitable for readers under 18. Chapter content warnings: victim self-blaming/guilt, depiction of a panic attack, depiction of traumatic responses to sexual abuse, mention of being disowned Click here to show content</summary> <Aphrodeeziac> ill be stopping by your planet soon <Aphrodeeziac> higher ups need someplant on the ground for. reasons. <Aphrodeeziac> and tbh, it really sounds like you could use a way out of there </code></pre> Aph. Also known as Vinca Eros, Seventh Bloom, it/its. I had met Aph two years ago, some time after getting on the overnet. I had been prowling around different servers and groups, fascinated by the great plurality of experiences waiting to be had. I found Aph in one of the groups I had joined; a haphazard collocation of critters sharing a vague interest in philosophy. A trio of terran pinnates with a special interest in bioethics, in a polycule that they were probably to shy to define; a Khetari ex-epistemology professor with a prolific body of work; a terran girl who geeked out about the Terran history of communism every other day; and Aph, an affini expert on Terran philology, sociology, and value theory. Aph's work was particularly helpful to the Affini Compact in dismantling the Accord's capitalist fascist empire. Purely by coincidence, it was part of the council that oversaw the dismantling of my local government and was intimately familiar with my situation. It had taken a particular interest in how the old government had managed to ingrain such an oppressive culture across the whole planet, and we quickly grew close as it listened to more and more of my rants. But not that close. <4kilosopher> wait what huh whuh <Aphrodeeziac> what what? <4kilosopher> uhm its just that uhm yknow <Aphrodeeziac> what, afraid the big scary plampt is gonna _domesticate_ you? ... <Aphrodeeziac> stars. you are <Aphrodeeziac> i wont i swear <Aphrodeeziac> we'll just be roommates <4kilosopher> i'll think about it <Aphrodeeziac> think faster. im reaching in ten. <4kilosopher> i cant- <Aphrodeeziac> nine. <4kilosopher> WHAT <Aphrodeeziac> eight. <4kilosopher> SECONDS? <Aphrodeeziac> seven. </code></pre> It was coming here?! I barely knew what it looked like. Does it know what I looked like? Was it going to find me? Was I supposed to find it? Oh fuck, I look like a mess. The thought of my friend from across the stars suddenly showing up on my doorstep instantly scattered any semblance of coherent thought in my feeble Terran brain. I mean, it knew I didn't really feel comfortable doing anything with anyone. Soon after I began feeling more and more uncomfortable with the things they were doing, I stopped wanting to do anything like that with anyone ever again. I stopped acting the way I did to rouse flirtatious lines and lascivious teasing from others. I told everyone I didn't want for anyone to touch me. For anyone to even speak about touching me. Surely I could trust it to know to respect my boundaries. Like them? Or not. I couldn't deny that some part of me was curious to know if everything I had seen about florets and the domestication process were true. Being touched by them only made my yearnings for a being to care for me tenderly so much stronger. I wanted a gentle caress, a chance to let go- I want it. Yet the thought of it made my mind sick. And what was I supposed to tell my parents? Not that we kept in much contact over the years since they kicked me out. Something about just waltzing out the front door made me feel so guilty and ashamed. They had abandoned me, but did that truly mean I was free to abandon them in turn? I owed a duty of care to them. They had always spoken about how they hoped I would care for them in old age and spared no effort in reminding me of all they had done for me. I hurt them. I certainly didn't want to hurt them any further. And what about them? Could I just leave? I was the one that thrust myself into their hands. I looked for them. I let them take me. I didn't deserve to leave. Every time I ducked their gaze, every time I dodged a conversation, I knew how disappointed I made them. I fucked them. I was still their joy-friend after all. Their not-quite-female, technically-non-binary, technically-not-a-girlfriend partner. Too many thoughts. Too many thoughts. Too many thoughts. I couldn't focus. Had it been ten seconds already? Something forced me to my knees. Were they in my house? A sharp tingling in my extremities subsumed my proprioception in a dizzying flurry of jolts and numbness. I raised my arms, trying to grasp at something. Why did I do that? Was I falling? Ow. I was. Suddenly, the bell to my door sounded with a soft buzz. Oh no. Was that them? I heard the muffled shuffling of feet through the thick, clammy air that suffused my nose and ears. The shifting of weight felt unfamiliar. The pause between hesitant steps, the echo of limbs on hard flooring that reverberated differently inside my head—that wasn't them. Who was that? "One, zer- oh." Aph? I felt a pair of something hoist me from the ground and set me on my bed. "No! Don't touch me!" The two arm-like appendages immediately retracted. I felt my breath ball up in my throat, my arms and legs curling up into a ball. My chest rose and fell erratically, causing my shoulders to shudder as air was forced out of my lungs by my diaphragm. It's looking at me. It's looking at me. Stop looking at me. Leave me alone. The lights around me dimmed as the windows of my hab slowly turned opaque. The room echoed with the clink of a glass and the gushing of water spilling into a cup. Cold, I hope. The darkness washed over me like a soft blanket, warming the chills on my feet and palms. I took in a deep breath to suck in the cool air from the space graciously given around me. A soft thunk of glass on wood, and the sounds around me congealed into a silent cacophony ringing in my head. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. I rapped my knuckles impulsively against the wall I had turned to face, each knock punctuating another deep breath. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Nothing was happening to me. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Nothing was happening to me. I thought about sitting up to face what I presumed to be Aph, but the allure of the cooling darkness wrapped around my limbs and made them weak. I felt a line form on my cracked lips, dried from the laboured breaths passing over it. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The bed was comfortable. I was comfortable. I continued lying on the bed for a while longer, my left foot beginning to accompany my hands' percussive rhythm in a calming hemiola. I tapped my hands a little faster, and I felt the beats fall into a 4:3 polyrhythm. A little faster still, and a 5:4 polyrhythm emerged. Hmm. That's a pretty good polyrhythm. Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. I'm. Look-ing for, a house to-buy. Waves of calmness resonated across the four walls of my room with each beat. I leaned my forehead against the wall, letting it share in its vibrations. I felt it travel through my spine, through the fibres in my body innervating my arms and legs. With every measure, it nipped at the tension in my body, letting it sink deeper into the cushion of my bed. What was I thinking about again? Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. The rhythm lulled my eyes shut, letting the peaceful serenity of sleep greet me once again. </details> Senescence | Chapter 1: A Seed is Sown Shou Haruka — Sat, 25 Jul 2026 00:00:00 +0000 This story is set in the Human Domestication Guide (HDG) universe. It is recommended, though not necessary, to be somewhat familiar with the setting, especially given that it inherently touches on aspects of kink and other adult themes. Stories in the HDG universe, like the one below, are not suitable for readers under 18. Chapter content warnings: non-con, sexual abuse, abuse in public, psychological manipulation, toxic relationships, victim self-blaming/guilt, mild depictions of sexual acts, depiction of a panic attack, systemic oppression, mention of being disowned, depiction of hypersexual responses to trauma, manipulation / victim blaming due to hypersexuality Click here to show content</summary> An awkward chuckle. A sidewards glance. A mouth open with not words nor strength mustered. A shift back, a look around, a brief pause, a quick shout, a hand raised, a lustful stare, a heart pounding, a mind racing, a neck pinned, a shirt lifted, a voice hushed, a leg spread, a muscle tensed, an arm lifted, a knee pressed— "Hey. Maybe you two... shouldn't be doing this here." Help me. "Sorry." Don't just sit there, fucking help me. I sensed the arm around my neck and waist slacken and seized the opportunity to contort my body out of their grasp. I moved myself back against the opposite wall and averted my gaze. Uncomfortably quick. Unsociably firm. I could feel every pair of eyes in the room on me as I clasped the carpet on the floor. "Awwww. I wanted to do stuff with Shiki." "Just don't do it here." Words slipped past and sloshed around my mind in a haze, some from my lips and some not, though I was in no state to know from who. A pang of guilt washed over my heart; I hurt someone, somehow, again. "Sorry." Say something else, dammit. "Sorry." Fuck, worth a shot. We'd broken up months ago, them and I. I had let all my pent up emotions and struggles spill out over a wall of text; yet at the same time, I had said nothing to them at all. The wall of anxiety and panic I had worked myself through a few months prior was done in vain, only serving to make the next one thicker and stronger. I looked up. Oh god, why did I look up? I could feel their purulent petulant pouting pierce my chest. A deluge of emotions effused into my pleural cavity, stifling my breath as though their hand was still around my neck. "Sorry." I stood up and burst out the hab, head pounding much too hard to care for all the awkward stares coming my way. A gush of tears hit me as I ran down the street. Then a wall as I awkwardly stumbled around a corner to catch my breath. The floor beneath me lurched sideways as my periphery became a blur. The nodes in my heart twitched, making my myocardium tear my heart from my chest. The all-too-familiar ichor of death perfused my lungs. Darkness mottled my vision with bruises and splotches of blue. The next time my eyes opened, I found myself back on my bed. Nothing but the soft, matutinal glow throughout my room heralded the new day. I glanced at myself through my bathroom mirror before an ache in my chest wrested my gaze away. Stars. The path my tears had carved out running down my face showed me all I wanted to see. Guess it wasn't a dream, then. Shame. A heavy breath escaped my lips in a huff as I let my chair catch my fall. I sipped fresh water I didn't pour from a cup on my desk I hadn't taken out without thinking too much of it. Another sigh came out my chest, this time of my own volition. Checking my tablet for any new messages, I was greeted by my own empty stare, prompting me to put my tablet away. Fuckers. I hated going there. I hated seeing their stupid, repulsive face. None of them really wanted anything to do with me; something about my "vibe", apparently. We shared few things in common, which was apparently enough to let me sit at their dinner table. With them I shared even fewer still. I hated how every moment I had with them was for the sole purpose of serving as a glorified auto-fellation device. I hated how every conversation we had was plastered with pornography I didn't want to see and erotic roleplay I didn't want to have. I just wanted a normal fucking conversation. Yet a block of "aww"s and "uuuueeeeee"s shoved me back towards their dick every time I steered the conversation away from sex. Though I suppose it's my fault, really. It always is. I had been ravaged by my needs and desires for years, isolated from any semblance of a community. Throughout my childhood, I was raised by a society of puritans. Pampered with showers of strict rules and stern warnings that left me no room to explore. Everything outside was wrong; being anything but the model child I was meant to be was wrong. I was wrong. Everything was controlled; by my parents, by those in power, and by the state. Peace between all was brokered by an iron fist of solemn silence. A voice of dissent or a differing opinion could shatter such a thin veil of factitious harmony. Thus, an oppressive culture of conformity promulgated across my home planet. I used to believe in it all, as naive as that was. I truly believed that every rule and every custom was put in place for the sole purpose of benefitting society. I believed every state-sanctioned video about how "harmonious living" was important. I deluded myself that I was content in the sameness of it all. I never questioned anything. Not beyond the state-approved "critical discussions" we used to have about the most anodyne of topics. But I was never content. Deep down, I had always felt that there was more to me than society had prescribed. I had managed to find a handful of others who were different like me, hiding from public view. As we exchanged stories and experiences, I realised just how much more there was to life than the one I knew, just how many others there were that shared my experiences. When the Affini came and dismantled our "democratic" state, I was finally able to see the full breadth of the beautiful communities and accepting societies beyond the exosphere of my home planet. Every inhibition drilled into me gave way, like a wayward gush of water careening from a broken dam. I began to yearn for such a community, for a chance to indulge in every forbidden desire I once buried under years of pain. Yet, old habits die hard, and it seemed as though the culture the state had instilled in everyone had dug its roots deep. Though a degree of tolerance was enforced, truly expressing myself still seemed like a distant dream. I tried. My parents effectively disowned me the moment they found out about my refusal to accept the identity they had birthed for me. It was almost just as hard to find friends as before, if not harder, having barely any excuse to go out and meet anyone anymore. My only solace was the overnet, which the Affini had graciously bestowed upon us during their takeover. It fostered many fruitful friendships and many stories. I could see every salacious exchange between partners and friends of all configurations that would have had my tongue torn from my mouth. Every titillating squeeze of a breast, every tantalising kiss, every crack of a whip. It made me hungry. It drove me insane, knowing I could never do such things with anyone around me. It drove me to them. Hypocrite. I enjoyed my first moments with them, seemingly able to chat about almost anything while also being able to know them carnally. I wanted this. They seemed to listen when I poured my heart out about something I was interested in, and seemed to love doing everything that made me sexually content. Slowly, they changed. They waved every concern I had away with a facetious pout. They stopped listening to my discussions. They stopped caring about how I felt. But they were all I had. Because of my desirous reputation amongst our friend group, nobody thought twice about how they forced themselves onto me. They grew bolder every day, and I grew powerless to stop them. Weak. I tried to break things off, but it soon became clear that they never cared about our relationship status in the first place. For one reason or another, I found myself coming back. Where else was I supposed to go? I couldn't leave. There was no-one else around me that truly accepted me like they did. Even though I had been living in my own hab since my parents kicked me out, I still felt some obligation to stay in case anything happened to them. A remnant of the cultural tendrils still coiled around my heart. Enough sulking. I booted up my computer, hovering my fingers over the keys as my unfinished draft came to life on the screen. "A Non-Classical Modal Account of Theistic Knowability". Now reduced to a hobby, Terran research and academia in a post-scarcity world was far different from how it used to be. My life-long aspirations of working in philosophical academia quickly changed after the Affini takeover turned the idea of a professorial "job" into a thing of the past. Though, it's nice to finally be able to read all the articles I want without paying for them. Suddenly, a message from the overnet came through. <Aphrodeeziac> heyyy. i was thinking. why dont you move in with me ? </code></pre> </details>