Senescence | Chapter 5: Through the Skin

My eyes opened. I was in a dimly-lit room; a hab, likely. I could feel my limbs tethered to each corner of a bed. A glass wall stood to the right of the bed I was on. Outside, a massive expanse. An Affini ship. Space whizzed past its outer dome in a blur. I saw Aph sitting on a chair from the corner of my eye, watching me. Surveilling me. Keeping me pinned down with its eyes.

It had taken me onto the ship, I surmised. Knocked me out. Forced me to leave when I didn't want to. Was it ever really my friend? Had it been planning this all along? It probably just wanted to use me. Of course. This was my fault. I trusted it just like I trusted them. It's always my fault. Pathetic.

Where was I? My head spun, pulsing and throbbing against my skull. I felt myself suspended in thick air that electrified my entire being and seeped into my head. Trying to recollect what had happened felt like trudging through a dense marsh that filled my mind with static. An admonishing wave of dizziness shook the air and sent me lurching. I begged my body to get up and look around, but my limbs lay still and ignored my desperate tugs.

I could vaguely feel that my body was resting on... something. Something soft. I could barely make my surroundings out to be a dark room, which somehow fit within my peripheral vision in its entirety. I couldn't move my eyes, yet the spot my eyes were looking at refused to come into focus. The more I tried to get my bearings, the blurrier my vision got. Blurrier and blurrier, until I felt the suffocating fog around me rise above my head.

"Shiki."

I sat up. The vines tying my wrists and ankles to the bed had enough slack now to allow me some degree of movement. I could escape. I could try. Aph had risen from its seat and stood looming over my bound body. I was helpless. I was ripe for the taking. I was vulnerable. Maybe I wanted this. That's the only reason I allowed this to happen after all. I needed this to happen. Maybe I just needed to lie here and take it. It would all end soon enough.

"Would you like to talk?" It sounded hurt. By me, probably.

"Go fuck yourself."

Its face contorted and cast a smile on my face. Fucker. I tried to kick it, but the vines grew taut again. I snapped back sprawled onto the bed, freedom revoked. I didn't bother struggling, didn't bother tugging at my restraints. I wasn't going to entertain it with the sight of me writhing defencelessly. It was probably hoping I would.

"Okay, I'll be here if you need me."

I could hear a pair of voices speaking to me through the viscous air clouding my ears. The words were barely comprehensible, though I could tell one of them was mine. The other felt familiar; vivid, brilliantly-lit scenes flashed in front of me like a diorama. Aph? What was- Oh. The scene from earlier this morning played out before me, recounted to me as though someone was walking me through it blow by blow.

The scene pushed the haze back for a moment. The feeling it left in my head was recognisable. I was just lucid enough to remember the last time I had felt it just as strong. It was the first time they had forced themselves onto me. I resisted at first, but after a while, I began to zone out and stopped processing what was happening to me. Since then, each moment I shared with them was more of the same. Each memory buried somewhere deep inside me and occasionally resurfacing from time to time through thoughts I don't remember thinking.

Recollections of the sensation I had felt then began to trickle into me. I remembered feeling myself lose control of my body and slip into a cocoon of darkness. I remembered the way the unspeakable events that followed were projected onto a silken screen at the front of my mind. I remembered turning my gaze when I watched them mount me. Just like it was going to do to me now.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME."

"I won't. Do you want me to leave?"

"I... No."

"Okay."

Aph sat back down on its chair. At least it wasn't doing anything to me. Yet. The air grew still, unperturbed by any noise. I lay on the bed and pressed my head onto the soft pillow under it. The silence began to itch. The sound of my heart pounding rattled my eardrums. The noises of my breathing started to tick me off. Why wasn't it doing anything? It's just watching me.

"Are you going to do something to me?"

"Not particularly."

"...Why?"

"You don't feel safe with me."

"I don't."

"Is there anything I can do to change that?"

I didn't expect it to ask that. What did it expect me to say? What was it trying to get out of me? Was it trying to lure me into a false sense of security? Was there some answer it was expecting? I'd never had to think of a response for this. What would I even say to appease such a query? It noticed my hesitation. Shit. Fuck. Say something. Anything, dammit.

"I can list some things and you can tell me if you think any of them would help. Would you like that?"

Oh.

"Okay."

"I can loosen your restraints if your promise not to try and kick me again."

"Sure. I promise."

The tension in the vines disappeared as I finished speaking. Oh. That was... fast. I should run. I could run. I never promised I wouldn't run. Oh. Why hadn't it made me promise not to run? That... felt like a gross oversight. No, the vines were still there, just looser. ... I could punch it though.

"I won't come near or touch you without asking, other than your restraints for now."

"Can you lose the restraints?"

"I will. I just want to have this conversation first before I do."

"Fine."

"I won't use any xenodrugs on you, unless you become a danger to yourself or others."

"You drugged me to get me on this ship."

"I did."

"Why?"

"I was sent here to take you from your planet. You wouldn't have gotten on otherwise."

"I thought you were there for work."

"I was. You were the work."

"Oh... Why?"

"... Matters regarding the transition of your planet into Affini control is my work. When I found out about how a local had been so severely mistreated by its residents and society, I filed a recommendation for you to be transferred to somewhere deeper into Affini space."

"From our online chats?"

"Yes. It just happened that my supervisor figured I would be the best one to take you, given how we already knew each other."

"I don't want you to do that again."

"I won't. Anything else you don't want me to do?"

"Don't leave me alone without telling me first."

"Does that include me going into another room?"

"Yes. And don't... raise your voice at me."

"I won't."

"I... can't think of anything else."

"That's okay. You did well."

This was... unexpected. They weren't this receptive. I wasn't sure what to make of Aph just yet. It was probably just trying to game me somehow, even though the agreements we reached seemed reasonable. I'm sure of it. Aph turned from facing me and grabbed a box from atop a table. I could make out a set of bracelet-looking things resting in it. Ah, there it was. This is how it would use me. I knew it.

"Shiki, would you be comfortable with me putting these on you? I can take your restraints off after. They're just for your safety. For transparency, they let me track your location, see your vitals, and allow me to administer xenodrugs remotely. Though I won't be doing that unless you become a danger to yourself or others, like I promised."

"What will the xenodrugs do to me?"

"If administered, it will help calm you down, sort of like the endorphins your body naturally produces. It'll also cause your muscles to relax and put you to sleep."

"... Fine."

Aph approached me slowly. I shuddered slightly as it touched my arm and clasped the bracelet around my wrist. I was probably going to regret allowing it to do this. Though, it seemed like my only option if I wanted out of these restraints. I stared intently as it put the other three bracelets around my other wrist and ankles. The vines holding me retreated just as the last bracelet locked into place.

"How are they?"

"Alright."

"Would you like to see the rest of the hab?"

"I think... I think I'll just stay here for a while."