Senescence | Chapter 2: Imbimition

<Aphrodeeziac> ill be stopping by your planet soon
<Aphrodeeziac> higher ups need someplant on the ground for. reasons.
<Aphrodeeziac> and tbh, it really sounds like you could use a way out of there

Aph. Also known as Vinca Eros, seventh bloom, it/its. I had met Aph two years ago, some time after getting on the overnet. I had been prowling around different servers and groups, fascinated by the great plurality of experiences waiting to be had. I found Aph in one of the groups I had joined; a haphazard collocation of critters sharing a vague interest in philosophy.

A trio of terran pinnates with a special interest in bioethics, in a polycule that they were probably to shy to define; a Khetari ex-epistemology professor with a prolific body of work; a terran girl who geeked out about the Terran history of communism every other day; and Aph, an affini expert on Terran philology, sociology, and value theory.

Aph's work was particularly helpful to the Affini Compact in dismantling the Accord's capitalist fascist empire. Purely by coincidence, it was part of the council that oversaw the dismantling of my local government and was intimately familiar with my situation. It had taken a particular interest in how the old government had managed to ingrain such an oppressive culture across the whole planet, and we quickly grew close as it listened to more and more of my rants. But not that close.

<4kilosopher> wait what huh whuh
<Aphrodeeziac> what what?
<4kilosopher> uhm its just that uhm yknow
<Aphrodeeziac> what, afraid the big scary plampt is gonna _domesticate_ you?
...
<Aphrodeeziac> stars. you are
<Aphrodeeziac> i wont i swear
<Aphrodeeziac> we'll just be roommates
<4kilosopher> i'll think about it
<Aphrodeeziac> think faster. im reaching in ten.
<4kilosopher> i cant-
<Aphrodeeziac> nine.
<4kilosopher> WHAT
<Aphrodeeziac> eight.
<4kilosopher> SECONDS?
<Aphrodeeziac> seven.

It was coming here?! I barely knew what it looked like. Does it know what I looked like? Was it going to find me? Was I supposed to find it? Oh fuck, I look like a mess. The thought of my friend from across the stars suddenly showing up on my doorstep instantly scattered any semblance of coherent thought in my feeble Terran brain.

I mean, it knew I didn't really feel comfortable doing anything with anyone. Soon after I began feeling more and more uncomfortable with the things they were doing, I stopped wanting to do anything like that with anyone ever again. I stopped acting the way I did to rouse flirtatious lines and lascivious teasing from others. I told everyone I didn't want for anyone to touch me. For anyone to even speak about touching me.

Surely I could trust it to know to respect my boundaries. Like them? Or not.

I couldn't deny that some part of me was curious to know if everything I had seen about florets and the domestication process were true. Being touched by them only made my yearnings for a being to care for me tenderly so much stronger. I wanted a gentle caress, a chance to let go- I want it. Yet the thought of it made my mind sick.

And what was I supposed to tell my parents? Not that we kept in much contact over the years since they kicked me out. Something about just waltzing out the front door made me feel so guilty and ashamed. They had abandoned me, but did that truly mean I was free to abandon them in turn? I owed a duty of care to them. They had always spoken about how they hoped I would care for them in old age and spared no effort in reminding me of all they had done for me. I hurt them. I certainly didn't want to hurt them any further.

And what about them? Could I just leave? I was the one that thrust myself into their hands. I looked for them. I let them take me. I didn't deserve to leave. Every time I ducked their gaze, every time I dodged a conversation, I knew how disappointed I made them. I fucked them. I was still their joy-friend after all. Their not-quite-female, technically-non-binary, technically-not-a-girlfriend partner.

Too many thoughts. Too many thoughts. Too many thoughts. I couldn't focus. Had it been ten seconds already? Something forced me to my knees. Were they in my house? A sharp tingling in my extremities subsumed my proprioception in a dizzying flurry of jolts and numbness. I raised my arms, trying to grasp at something. Why did I do that? Was I falling? Ow. I was.

Suddenly, the bell to my door sounded with a soft buzz. Oh no. Was that them? I heard the muffled shuffling of feet through the thick, clammy air that suffused my nose and ears. The shifting of weight felt unfamiliar. The pause between hesitant steps, the echo of limbs on hard flooring that reverberated differently inside my head—that wasn't them. Who was that?

"One, zer- oh."

Aph? I felt a pair of something hoist me from the ground and set me on my bed.

"No! Don't touch me!"

The two arm-like appendages immediately retracted. I felt my breath ball up in my throat, my arms and legs curling up into a ball. My chest rose and fell erratically, causing my shoulders to shudder as air was forced out of my lungs by my diaphragm. It's looking at me. It's looking at me. Stop looking at me. Leave me alone.

The lights around me dimmed as the windows of my hab slowly turned opaque. The room echoed with the clink of a glass and the gushing of water spilling into a cup. Cold, I hope. The darkness washed over me like a soft blanket, warming the chills on my feet and palms. I took in a deep breath to suck in the cool air from the space graciously given around me.

A soft thunk of glass on wood, and the sounds around me congealed into a silent cacophony ringing in my head. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. I rapped my knuckles impulsively against the wall I had turned to face, each knock punctuating another deep breath. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Nothing was happening to me. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. Nothing was happening to me.

I thought about sitting up to face what I presumed to be Aph, but the allure of the cooling darkness wrapped around my limbs and made them weak. I felt a line form on my cracked lips, dried from the laboured breaths passing over it. Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The bed was comfortable. I was comfortable.

I continued lying on the bed for a while longer, my left foot beginning to accompany my hands' percussive rhythm in a calming hemiola. I tapped my hands a little faster, and I felt the beats fall into a 4:3 polyrhythm. A little faster still, and a 5:4 polyrhythm emerged. Hmm. That's a pretty good polyrhythm.

Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. I'm. Look-ing for, a house to-buy.

Waves of calmness resonated across the four walls of my room with each beat. I leaned my forehead against the wall, letting it share in its vibrations. I felt it travel through my spine, through the fibres in my body innervating my arms and legs. With every measure, it nipped at the tension in my body, letting it sink deeper into the cushion of my bed. What was I thinking about again?

Thunk. Tha-thunk thunk, thunk thunk tha-thunk. The rhythm lulled my eyes shut, letting the peaceful serenity of sleep greet me once again.